SNOW: an Understatement.

Today was so unbelievably exciting. I sat around at home really contemplating the next few years of my life and started to think "wow, I'm not getting any younger so I better do something about it".
Too often, people give up their dreams (almost everything it seems), to work around their life as it is. That contents them. It's a safe route and you will have a roof over your head and warmth, but what does it really matter? There's such impermanence in life? Do you really want to spend it ruminating about what could have been versus what is to come and what will happen because YOU FOLLOWED THROUGH with your dreams?
Today I also decided it is time to leave it behind. My whole being feels like it's suffocated. Simply put, I cannot keep lying to myself that everything will be fine here and I'll live happily ever after with some endearing fairy tale ending. The truth is, I have not struggled enough. When I lived in Los Angeles in 2008 through 2009, I never paid but one month of rent. I will be honest. I spent much of my time with my boyfriend at the time or looking for a job when we broke up. Right as all that change (impermanence!) was happening, I met a friend from high school so I moved back. He was my only reason at the time. I am happy that I did. I cherish Andy my current boyfriend a lot more now. However, this is where the conflict begins. He out right refuses to move to a foreign place, so I am not sure what to do. I am saddened as to what that obviously will entail if nothing works itself out as far as compromising goes in my mind nor his in the next couple of months. It will be one year next month, but what is time? I still sometimes feel I barely know him, yet I consider him my best friend.. We cross over the same conversations time and time again due to my frequent re-evaluations, and that upsets him. I am stern and try to kindly demand that we talk and he always says "no, I do not feel like talking about this...AGAIN."
*pout*
It's almost like there is nothing left to say. Hopefully the next few months will heed much needed clarity. God willing.
Heaven knows everyone needs him. Please pray over us and surround us with your presence over the next few months. Let me feel less alone. Also, help my family and friends see it for what it is. I am not sure when life took precedents over my dreams. I assure you it won't be happening much longer after this quarter ends in February.

I'm off to read the rest of my humanities and composition readings. Pray that I find focus right now. The internet keeps luring me back.

<3, little girl