Grapefruit

well well well. I am impressed. So far, it's been a pretty good plan. I feel great and do not feel like I'm starving to death. Normally, I'm not the type to expel information about bowel movements, but I am going to do so. Andrea bought this detox tea at the Co-Op that I have been drinking too. It includes burdock root, dandelion root, and some other roots I forgot about. The name of it is Bija Deep Cleanse. These ingredients are used to treat sore throats in traditional Chinese teas and they as an overall population have decent longevity, so I believe it will be beneficial to say the least long-term. The tea is actually really sweet naturally though unsweetened. I enjoy drinking it through out the day. It is organic (of course) and can be ordered at http://www.florahealth.com to those who live out in the boonies or do not have access to the tea otherwise.
Anyway, this morning I got up and my tummy was grumbling QUITE angrily. It wasn't "OH NO, if I don't go NOW, I'm DONE!" Rather, it was a gentle urge. I could not believe how CLEAN it was. This is rather disturbing to those of you with a sensitive stomach (but read "Everybody Poops" and you'll be just fine, champ!), but I usually do not get everything OUT in one movement. It takes over the course of a few days to be rid of it. Not lately, but it really depends on what I have ate over the previous days. This morning I plugged the toilet. Bad. Firstly, I do not have a key to get back in my boyfriend's apartment to go buy a plunger since they do not have one. This poses a problem. Second, it looks like Jack Frost had a party outside and things got a little out of hand last night. And thirdly, I would have been too distracted to blog. :P
I have been good about going to Inspired Chiropractic, a holistic way to treat my chronic moodiness, back aches, foot pain, neck pain, and overall depression. Last year this time, you would NOT have wanted to even remotely been around me. I was a mess. Everything felt like it was falling apart. In June 2009, I moved back from California in my attempt to become a famous...almost famous singer/actress. The problem was that I didn't have a plan upon my arrival there in February of 2008. After a year and a half of increasing debt and being declined any sort of assistance from the Los Angeles assistance office because they could not understand that I did not get ONLY 2 paychecks, but a multitude over the course of a month being a Background Actress, I knew it was my queue to leave. Rent was $1400 collectively between my roommate and I. That does not include food, heat, electricity, and I was lucky to get hired for a role every week or two at $8/hour. Andrea had similar experiences (though different dreams) in Chicago. Perhaps she can elaborate on that later. Before my departure from LA, I started talking to a acquaintance I had met in high school. We quickly became very close and had long conversations on MSN chat. He made me laugh like no one had before. I fell so hard for him even before I met him to hang out. DO NOT EVER DO THAT IF YOU ARE SMART! If my current boyfriend Andy is reading this, he will despise this next passage, but I am not going to hold anything back. I was in LOVE with this guy and had a massive crush on him when we went to school together. So much so, I never uttered but a few words to him on an open lunch to Taco Bell with our mutual friends one day.
Things were fine until I told him about my suicide attempt in 2007 via phone call. Everything went down hill after that in a matter of a week give or take. Don't think for a minute that I would want this old life back (especially, you, Andy, if you're reading this), because any person who would put up a front like that is not worthy of my time. I was real and raw cut and I think he felt inferior in some way that I cannot explain. My only suggestion is because one of his best friends had pulled a trigger on himself only months before. I'm not here to play "what if", but that is how my mind was last year. I would sit for hours wondering "What the hell is wrong with me?" I resorted to pharmaceutical drugs such as Seraquil because the free clinic downtown said I "portrayed the essence of one with bipolar disorder". They were very very wrong. Upon closer research by a mental health professional, I actually am more borderline and histrionic than anything else. The difference between the two is bipolar is months of ups and downs. Borderline is second to second ups and downs. I do not know what my mood will be in 2 seconds. Okay, 2 seconds passed. I am thinking about how bad I did on my final, but I still passed my A+ certification class with a "C" and am quite sad. Now I'm thinking about the potential I have as an individual despite my flaws and feel a little better, but where is that outlet? Perhaps I am too hard on myself.

When I was on the Seraquil, I blacked out for periods at a time and remember going to work not remembering how to count money, colors were INSANELY vivid, and all while I felt like I just wanted to pass out, cry, or hit someone. It took me 30 minutes to find my keys one day to go to work (I was an hour late). I also berated my closest friend at the time, Ellie. I found out later that I told her " don't ****ing call my house to snitch to my parents about my meds!" She still doesn't buy it. No one does. It ruined that period of my life for me. Everyone around me was so worried that I was going to do something. In December of 2009, I tried to roll my car. I left work early in a fit of tears. Not only had he broken up with me, but he had invited me out to his aunt's house while she was on vacation. I slept over that night and he claims he was too "looped out on allergy meds" to remember and quickly regretted that rendevous. People think it was just about that. It was a major factor, but it wasn't only that. It was about the whole succession of events leading from the move back to LA, the stress from getting my heart torn into pieces by a guy I would have done anything for. The only plan was death.
I called and texted everyone I knew and said my farewells. I had over 15 missed calls and about 30 texts from people asking what I meant. Some came later, of course. I did not roll my car. Instead, I drove it off a road and landed near a cornfield in a snowbank just past Harrisburg. Many people stopped to ask if I was alright and if I needed someone to call AAA. I sat there for a long period of time bawling and shaking. Then the call came from Andy, my love. He was the only one call I answered. Everyone else was just static (you mean the world to me now). He had proven his loyalty over the past few months. He was and IS still my best friend and great love.
Andy and Matt, his brother, came and waited with me until the tow truck arrived. I made Andy cry and he said never to do anything so stupid again. So far so good.

Then another thing happened. EXACTLY a week later...no more, no less...one of my co-workers was killed in a car accident. She was really sweet and I feel like I placed a bad omen over something. As to what, I do not know. I hate to sleep alone at night. I have to have blankets over my head to keep out shadows. I feel like a child.

I guess the point of this whole story is that these were all the major stressors from that point on. A lot of toxins have entered by body and I believe pharmaceuticals for depression are just fluff. It takes a chiropractor to adjust your body to its proper curvature to release choked nerve function. That is why we get depressed in the first place. The aches in our bodies scream out when we don't take care of it.

That is why it is SO important for me to eat healthy and become buddies with my Chiropractor, Dr. Ben Rall and his staff: Kim, Melissa and formerly, Angela, who I plan to meet with shortly to hang out with. I am not sure where my future is headed.
Other than that, I am looking forward to the cantaloupe for lunch and the chicken with tomatoes for dinner. I have an hour to get ready for class.

I am not sure if this story made any sense, but feel free to ask questions on here or facebook. If you are going through/went through the same thing, you are not alone. You are never alone. It took all of my focus to write this, but it's finally out.
Don't type anything if you have anything negative to say. I really worked hard to be where I am at this moment. I love my life now. I am finally basking in the moment.

-Lindsey Dickey